Monday, February 29, 2016

Burning Questions from the 2016 Oscars

Odds on #OscarsSoLong trending by the end of the night?

Odds on when the "end of the night" will be?

After how poorly I did with last year's predictions, should I have just closed my eyes and pick names?

Wasn't that montage kind of great?

Am I just saying that because Room was so prominently featured?

"White People's Choice Awards?"

Wasn't Chris Rock right about previous years being just as much of a whiteout?

Didn't the crowd seem more receptive to Rock than they have been to any other recent host within the first few minutes?

Did he kill it with that monologue or what?

How about "Bittersweet Symphony" being played by the Oscar orchestra?

Couldn't Ryan Gosling's jokey description of qualifications for Best Adapted Screenplay actually apply to The Revenant?

The Oscar-winning writer/director of Anchorman?

So, we're going to do that thing again with inserting actors into movie clips?

But with black comedians?

Wasn't The Danish Girl with Tracy Morgan pretty funny? 

Did you forget for a second that Kristen Wiig was actually in The Martian?

Yeah, I got it, but wasn't that Stacey Dash thing weird anyway?

Sorry, but isn't Sam Smith Spectre theme completely forgettable?

Did you even recognize Sam Smith?

Isn't it nice that we can all remember that J.K. Simmons won Best Supporting Actor last year?

Isn't Supporting Actress consistently the most challenging category to get right each year?

Did you hear the collective groans of everyone getting it wrong?

Did you get the feeling Alicia Vikander wouldn't be the first winner played off during her speech?

Especially considering the pace they're moving at?

Wasn't that Oscar "scroll" at the bottom ridiculous?

Especially considering how infrequently it worked?

Didn't Mad Max really deserve to clean up in all those technical and craft categories?

Anyone else expect Margot Robbie to lecture us on the housing market and credit crisis?

So, was Jonah Hill in that bear costume?

Wasn't the Suge Knight gag funny?

Isn't it unreal Lubezki has won cinematography three years in a row?

And Deakins has now lost thirty in a row?

(Jack) Black History Month?

Get it, it's because no people of color were nominated this year?

Remember that year they really did attempt to explain the difference between Sound Editing and Mixing? 

Is this an impressive haul of statues (6!) for Mad Max or what?

Were you thinking The Revenant might be in trouble?

Ex Machina for visual effects?!

How great was it when they cut to Jacob Tremblay in the audience when the droids came out?

Was I the only one wondering what happened to C3PO's red arm?

Droids AND Minions?

Were you worried Mad Max would  take home Best Animated short?

Then beat Trump and Hillary?

Doesn't Pete Docter kind of resemble a Pixar character?

But doesn't he seem like a legitimately good guy?

Anyone worried they'd show clips of Fifty Shades of Grey during The Weekend's performance?

I can't be the only one who loved that rock, paper, scissors Android commercial with the St. Elmo's Fire song?

Shouldn't that have won Best Animated Short?

Aren't they beating this Oscar controversy humor into the ground?

Did you fall out of your seat when they announced Mark Rylance's name?

Were you too shocked to study Stallone's expression? 

Could you literally hear all the air being sucked out the room when Rylance spoke?

And you thought you had problems remembering Patricia Arquette won last year?

Did that screw up my ballot?

And Stallone's life?

And our night?

So, was it Escape Plan or The Expendables 3 that killed his chances?

Can Louis CK host next year?

Isn't it about time they made a joke at the expense of the Price Waterhouse guys?

Can anyone tell me what exactly Cheryl Boone Isaacs' said?

Was I the only one expecting her to lecture us on stealing music?

Or do I have this confused with another overlong awards show? 

Were you worried they'd scroll the In Memoriam across the bottom of the screen to save time?

Dave Grohl singing The Beatles?

But didn't he do a good job?

So wait, they had Jacob Tremblay present Live Action Short so they could make a short joke?

Were you worried Joe Biden's speech on sexual abuse would introduce Room rather than Lady Gaga's performance?

Remember when everyone thought her career was floundering?

Was that Biden's first scripted TV appearance since Parks and Rec?

So, did Lady Gaga appear on enough awards shows, and win enough awards, this year?

Did Oscar voters apparently think so?

Can you believe that Bond song won!?

And after THAT performance?

Weren't you relieved that Tarantino wasn't accepting the award for Morricone?

Do you think I envisioned Ali G introducing Room?

Too late to get Biden back up there?

Did we officially reach the end of the Fury Road when Iñárritu won Best Director?

Boy, did they play him off fast or what?

Was "Flight of the Valkyries" this year's Jaws theme?

Didn't that look like a big spoiler for Carol?

How upset would I be if they played Brie off?

Wasn't I relieved when they didn't have to?

Did you half-expect her to take Jacob Tremblay up there?

Not a question, but I just want to type, "Academy Award Winner Brie Larson."

Didn't that clip from Trumbo kind of play like a comic version of Breaking Bad, complete with a bathtub?

Was Leo up there before it was even announced?

Have you ever seen anyone get to a stage so fast?

Were you excited to hear about climate change?

Is Leo the rare star exempt from being played off? 

Spotlight...Best Picture??!!!!

Am I burning my Oscar ballot right now?

Everyone else must have missed that, right?

What was that I said about closing my eyes and just randomly picking winners?

Do you realize Michael Keaton has now starred in two Best Picture winners in a row?

So, is it too early to start predicting for next year?

Aren't you glad you stayed awake?

Wasn't that one of the more newsworthy shows in years?

Given all those upsets, should I just be glad Brie escaped the building with her statue?

So, did Chris Rock earn an invitation back?

Has any other recent host done as well?

Will everyone still look for something he did to complain about?

Wouldn't it be interesting to see how he'd do next year without such a hot-button controversy to play off of?

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