The Heartbreak Kid

Directors: Bobby and Peter Farrelly
Starring: Ben Stiller, Michelle Monaghan, Malin Akerman, Jerry Stiller, Robb Corddry, Carlos Mencia
Running Time: 115 min.
Rating: R

** (out of ****)

The Heartbreak Kid is a flat, lifeless comedy that's easily one of the worst efforts of the Farrelly Brothers' previously successful careers. They can take pride in the fact that they didn't write the script this time so at least some of the blame falls elsewhere. At its center is maybe the most annoying, obnoxious character to appear on screen this year. Every second we spend with her is infinitely more painful for us than the almost equally unlikable main character in the film. Very early on I found myself impatiently counting down the minutes to when Michelle Monaghan would come in and attempt to save the film, thinking that she'd really have her work cut out for her this time.

Unsurprisingly, things get significantly better upon her arrival but it lasts only a fleeting moment, as the stupidity of the screenplay kicks into overdrive again just in time for the final act. It's here where a movie that started as just a somewhat realistically grounded exercise in stupidity makes a huge detour into insane fantasyland, taking all the actors with it. This is a remake of the 1972 comedy starring Charles Grodin and Cybill Shepherd and I don't think it's unfair of me to say, despite having never seen the original, that it must be far superior to this. It even seems to have been made with a certain degree of laziness and it's the first of the Farrelly films that should have gone direct-to-DVD. The only reason anyone could have any interest in seeing this is because of Monaghan, who deserves a medal of honor for somehow managing to give a good performance in a film this bad.

Eddie Kantro (Ben Stiller) is a single sporting goods store owner unlucky at love, drowning his sorrows at his ex-girlfriend's wedding where he's the unwitting subject of the groom's toast. That toast, and his seating placement at the event, are pretty much the only laughs we get during this entire picture. Unfortunately both are out of the way within the first five minutes and there's still over ninety left to go. With his father (Jerry Stiller) hounding him about his inability to find a good woman and settle down things do start to look up. After coming to the aid of beautiful young purse snatching victim, Lila (Malin Akerman) they eventually start seeing each other and he gives into temptation, marrying her on a whim despite having only dated her for a couple of weeks. It's on their way to the honeymoon that this movie goes straight to hell.

It soon becomes painfully obvious to Eddie (and unfortunately us as well) that Lila is a complete lunatic. Why this revelation is just now coming to the surface I have no idea. What were they doing the whole time they were dating? Lila's borderline psychotic tendencies are so over-the-top and unbelievable you'd think they'd have presented themselves right away. This isn't just a case of someone misrepresenting themselves. They go many steps too far when the lame-brained screenplay has Lila reveal all these irritating facets of her personality. No one would ever behave like this, but more importantly, it's not humorous. Sure, Eddie has to put up with it...but so do we.

Then there's the awful, grating performance of Akerman that deserves Razzie Award consideration. I could call her a Cameron Diaz clone (since she was only cast because of the slight physical resemblance) but that would be an insult to a talented actress with charisma. Even if you're not a Diaz fan, you will be after you witness Akerman's lifeless imitation of her. By casting a look alike the Farrelly Brothers hoped to recapture the magic of There's Something About Mary. Except that movie was funny.

It's on their honeymoon that Eddie runs into Miranda (Monaghan) and because she's so likable the film does have a little streak going in the middle act where it's actually quite good. The encounters with her feel real because she actually seems like a real person and for just a moment the movie accurately captures that feeling when you're on vacation and meet someone that completely floors you. Naturalness is a tough quality to convey but Monaghan makes it look easy, confirming suspicions that Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang wasn't a fluke and she deserves a promotion to the A-list.

Even her family seem like regular, everyday people not stereotyped movie characters. They interact with each other like real family members would and the jokes they shared amongst one another were funny, unlike much of the crude humor that permeates through the rest of the film. This got my hopes up that things were actually taking a more intelligent turn. Those hopes were smashed when the movie goes off the deep end reminding us that Stiller's character is a selfish, two-timing creep.

As bad as Lila is, Eddie's worse, lying, stringing her along, and seeing this other woman behind her back. Even worse he's lying to Miranda and her family, the only likable characters in the movie. And we're supposed to root for this guy? Of course the time will come when Eddie's double dealing is exposed to both women and the consequences were far stupider than I could have imagined in even my wildest dreams. The last half hour of the film is just a train wreck.

I'm sure I'm making this sound worse than it is only because I expect so much more from talents like Bobby and Peter Farrelly. The tone of the film is also off. It seems like a really lightweight romantic comedy but then, out of nowhere, an unusually crude or hurtful comment would come out of a character's mouth or something really gross would occur. The Farellys are usually good at balancing this type of thing, but here it seems like someone took a PG-rated script and scribbled profanities on it with a red magic marker. Comedian Carlos Mencia has a small, unfunny role in the film. I don't know much about him other than that I heard his comedy is supposedly edgy. Nothing about this movie is edgy.

I did realize something very important while watching this: Ben Stiller just isn't believable playing a nice guy. There's this undercurrent of nastiness to all his behaviors and mannerisms and he has problems conveying sincerity. It's been a trend throughout his career and if you look back, all his effective comic roles have been as villains. Even when he just cameos as a nefarious character (like in Happy Gilmore or The Cable Guy) he's far more successful.

Stiller has no chemistry with either of the female leads, something you could easily justify with Akerman, but that he has none with Monaghan is pathetic. No excuses on that one. She'd be able to create chemistry with a brick wall. By the end of The Heartbreak Kid I was thinking my time would have been better spent watching a career retrospective on professional wrestler Shawn Michaels. Yes, love blows. And so does this movie.